Monday, January 28, 2008

Wheels Off the Logging Truck

Confession time. My logging for last week stopped on Wednesday. It wasn't really a conscious choice, and at first, I wasn't sure why. But it just occurred to me that I had a couple of fairly stressful events around that time. They are not valid excuses, but do give me some insight into why I might have fallen off the logging wagon.

First, on Tuesday, I was out jogging with my dog Katy, a medium sized mutt. We had barely started running when a loose Boxer approached us. I thought things were going to be OK and they were going to be friends, but then another Boxer came tearing towards us and immediately jumped on Katy. He was twice her size and the fight was no match. A man out in the yard thankfully ran over and pulled him off of Katy fairly quickly. I checked her over quickly, and thought she had emerged unscathed. Then, the next day (Wednesday), I found a nasty looking gash on her neck/chest area.

It was somewhat obsured by her fur at the time, but I still can't believe I missed it. So off to the vet for antibiotics. It was already slightly infected so they didn't want to sew it up. Think she'll be OK, and the boxers' owner has agreed to pay the vet bills. But it was obviously upsetting, and also emotionally difficult to summon up the courage to confront the owners about the vet bills since I didn't discover the wound immediately.

Second stressful event was that hubby and I had agreed that I would look for some part-time accounting work since pet sitting is really slow this time of year. This is hard because it sort of feels like I'm giving up on pet sitting, even though I know that doesn't have to be true. At bible study on Wednesday, I mentioned that as I was chatting with my discussion leader after class. She then suggested I meet the Finance Director at the church as they had a need for someone on a part-time basis to analyze stats, giving trends, etc. We discussed the opportunity and I told her I'd consider it. It was totally out of the blue, and I had to do some serious praying and soul searching to see if that was something I should pursue. Although I have seen lots of confidential financial info in my career and learned not to let it impact my attitude, I have not done so for a church. I'm not a member of this church, just go to a ladies' bible study there. Although it did not shake my faith in Christ, my previous church had a serious financial scandal that rocked my confidence in churches being good stewards. Giving is an area of challenge for me right now, and I've always hated the constant touting of membership numbers etc. that is prevalent in many churches. So I opted not to pursue that job.

Meanwhile, back to the point of this post. It would seem that spiritual and emotional struggles impact my staying on track with logging. I had plenty of time to enter everything in my log, but apparently I am still really struggling deep down with not spending too much emotional energy in facing those numbers on a daily basis. I thought I was cool and analytical about it, but there is more to it than that.

At any rate, what I DID learn is that NOT logging also has an impact, and it's not so good. Even though I didn't log, I did go back and catch up on entering my BG's to see the overall trends. See the week 4 numbers below.

Avg BG -- 171 (wk1), 161 (wk2), 140 (wk3), 156 (wk4)
Normal Range -- 25%, 43%, 40%, 34%
High -- 64%, 49%, 40%, 56%
Low -- 11%, 8%, 20%, 10%
Average Daily Standard Deviation -- 64, 65, 62, 55

4 comments:

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hi Carol,

Very insightful things that you uncovered for yourself here.

Stress in my life also makes my diabetes management take a back seat. Logging, counting, testing, all of it. I tend to fly by the seat of my pants and do just enough to avoid a disaster.

I think it is a big step to recognize all that you did - that counts as progress to me!

Progress Trumps Perfection right?

Donna said...

Wow! Those sound like pretty valid excuses to me! Poor Katy! I hope she will heal quickly.

I understand why you decided not to take that job at the church. That had to be a difficult decision. But I'm sure it was the right one for you. You probably wouldn't feel comfortable in that situation. Something else will come along that God has planned for you.

Good luck getting back into the logging. Hopefully, you won't have any more issues come up that make that difficult for you. You can do it!

Carol said...

Scott, I think you and I were cut out of the same mold when it comes to the mental side of diabetes. Thanks for pointing out that last week was progress, just of a different sort.

Donna, thanks for your well wishes for Katy, and encouragement on the job front. Katy seemed to feel a lot better as of last night...back to her usual fun loving, trouble making self :) I'm back to logging/facing reality as of yesterday.

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