"Out of the Box"
I really hate that phrase. It smacks of something corporate and trite. But this week it perfectly describes my diabetes.
Monday, I had a full slate of pet sitting visits to make. Dogs inside, dogs in crates, all waiting for me to let them out and cater to their diverse doggy needs. Grabbed some coffee, got in the car, and decided to test before I headed out even though I felt fine. 54. Damn!!! Back inside, not saying nice things. My diabetes was out of it's box, and impacting my life, and my plans.
Tuesday (Christmas morning), finished walking a rambunctious, 9 month old golden retriever. Felt a bit light headed, tested, 49. OK, this is not what I wanted from Santa. Diabetes is out of it's box again, impacting my ability to do my job, and causing yet another delay.
Friday, I haven't run since my 5 miler with mom on Christmas day. Basal cut in 1/2 an hour before my run, just a routine test before I change to head out. 363. No run for me today. Diabetes is out of it's damn box again!
This week has felt like some sort of sick version of "pop goes the weasel", with diabetes rearing its ugly head at just the wrong moments and impacting my plans as well as my confidence. I'm now a pet sitter and doing what I love, but is it realistic to think the varied schedule and activity level that goes with that will work long term with my diabetes? I've been trying to work my way back up in mileage after a running injury with the goal of completing a half marathon in February. But is it really best to push myself that much, doing different workouts on different days, and always trying to play catchup with the blood sugar levels? I just wish this disease would get in it's box and stay there so I can live my life without having to spend hours trying to stuff it back in!
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Diabetic Runner Challenge
So I just signed up for the Diabetic Runner Challenge. Cool idea, thanks for creating it Jamie! If you want to join the fun, go to http://yes.diabeticrunner.com/ .
The goal I set is to run 500 miles in 2008 or roughly 10 miles/week. I actually plan on averaging closer to the 20 miles throughout the year, but I learned in 2007 that it pays to rest when your body needs it.
A "too much, too soon" type of injury (hip flexor strain) kept me out of running for 6 weeks, so I didn't want to tempt myself to keep going when I shouldn't. The injury came at exactly the wrong time running wise, and I missed my first ever half marathon (Dallas White Rock) despite having trained over the long hot Texas summer and ramping my long run up to 11 miles.
I still want to run a half, so have set my sights on the Cowtown Half in late February. Im using a more conservative training schedule....Hal Higdon Novice Half Marathon plan. It has more cross training, strength training and rest than the plan I used previously, and so far feels more right for my body and experience level.
I'm hoping that accepting this challenge will also motivate me to be more diligent about logging my miles AND my blood sugar.
The goal I set is to run 500 miles in 2008 or roughly 10 miles/week. I actually plan on averaging closer to the 20 miles throughout the year, but I learned in 2007 that it pays to rest when your body needs it.
A "too much, too soon" type of injury (hip flexor strain) kept me out of running for 6 weeks, so I didn't want to tempt myself to keep going when I shouldn't. The injury came at exactly the wrong time running wise, and I missed my first ever half marathon (Dallas White Rock) despite having trained over the long hot Texas summer and ramping my long run up to 11 miles.
I still want to run a half, so have set my sights on the Cowtown Half in late February. Im using a more conservative training schedule....Hal Higdon Novice Half Marathon plan. It has more cross training, strength training and rest than the plan I used previously, and so far feels more right for my body and experience level.
I'm hoping that accepting this challenge will also motivate me to be more diligent about logging my miles AND my blood sugar.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Reactive Diabetes
First of all, hi there to all of you in blogland. I haven't posted in a while, just been lazily commenting here and there. But what better to spark a post than a visit to the Endoc, right?
So my A1c was 6.3 today, exactly the same as what it was back in June. Weight down a little, cholesterol good. The doc rated it an "A". But I know it could be better, and that my standard deviation is...well...highly deviant and not very standard. For a very long time (a few years) I have been pretty happy to not log (in spite of Kevin sending me his awesome spreadsheet), not change pump settings, and just correct with each new meter reading. I've got the whole exercise and BG thing working well enough to make it through most workouts, and I eat pretty much what I want (within portion controlled reason of course). I test frequently, so I think that is why the A1C looks decent. I actually found myself hoping that my A1C might come back higher to spur me into proactive mode.
So how about you OCers? Are you currently proactive or reactive with your basal rates and bolus/correction ratios and why?
So my A1c was 6.3 today, exactly the same as what it was back in June. Weight down a little, cholesterol good. The doc rated it an "A". But I know it could be better, and that my standard deviation is...well...highly deviant and not very standard. For a very long time (a few years) I have been pretty happy to not log (in spite of Kevin sending me his awesome spreadsheet), not change pump settings, and just correct with each new meter reading. I've got the whole exercise and BG thing working well enough to make it through most workouts, and I eat pretty much what I want (within portion controlled reason of course). I test frequently, so I think that is why the A1C looks decent. I actually found myself hoping that my A1C might come back higher to spur me into proactive mode.
So how about you OCers? Are you currently proactive or reactive with your basal rates and bolus/correction ratios and why?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Putting Yourself First
I had a conversation with my husband this morning about putting yourself first. He goes to work earlier than most of his co-workers, and usually stays as late or later than they do. Not terribly late, but sometimes I see it interfering with him taking care of himself. As in yesterday when he stayed late and skipped his workout. He sees it as having a good work ethic and being a team player.
That made me think about how many of our workplaces subtly (and not so subtly) encourage us to sacrifice our health for the sake of work, and how having diabetes has changed my thinking on in regards to that topic.
Before diabetes, I was pretty hard core, going above and beyond, skipping lunch at times, working weekends, giving them more than they asked for at work, not working out much, etc. My bosses loved me. Slowly but surely, I have come to the point of putting myself first in terms of things I do for my health, and I really wonder if that is somehow actually easier for me than most because of diabetes.
When I was on a less flexible insulin regimen, I HAD to eat at certain times, so I did, regardless of what was going on at work. I ate at my desk, I ate in meetings, whatever it took, but I put eating the carbs I was committed to via my last insulin shot first. When I had a low, I HAD to take care of it. So work stopped, everything stopped so I could eat some glucose tabs and regain a clear mind. Some of that has spilled over into other ways of taking care of my health that aren't as urgent. I became a morning exerciser (at least most days), and shifted my schedule at work back a little to accommodate that. I would always eat breakfast, even if it meant being a little late on occasion (I also stayed late on occasion). I jealously guarded getting a good night's sleep. I didn't skip meals, even though I could once I went on a more flexible insulin regimen and now the pump.
Another reason for this shift is seeing that working harder than the next guy or gal, and being loyal to your company does not often yield loyalty in return. I've seen it over and over again, and I know most of you have too...folks who gave up their health, time with their kids, sleep, etc., only to get laid off. Seeing a friend work many nights pumping out proposals, not seeing her husband and son, and then being passed over for promotion. Seeing a company wait to terminate the employment of a programmer until he finished the project that requires hours of overtime and late nights (without extra pay since he was salaried). Those things have never happened to me personally, and I've been treated better than most throughout my career, but just seeing it changes you.
So I still believe in having a strong work ethic. If I am getting paid to do a job, I do my best to do it well. But I no longer see it as heroic to sacrifice my health or family in order to get a gold star in the workplace. Gold stars are overrated!
That made me think about how many of our workplaces subtly (and not so subtly) encourage us to sacrifice our health for the sake of work, and how having diabetes has changed my thinking on in regards to that topic.
Before diabetes, I was pretty hard core, going above and beyond, skipping lunch at times, working weekends, giving them more than they asked for at work, not working out much, etc. My bosses loved me. Slowly but surely, I have come to the point of putting myself first in terms of things I do for my health, and I really wonder if that is somehow actually easier for me than most because of diabetes.
When I was on a less flexible insulin regimen, I HAD to eat at certain times, so I did, regardless of what was going on at work. I ate at my desk, I ate in meetings, whatever it took, but I put eating the carbs I was committed to via my last insulin shot first. When I had a low, I HAD to take care of it. So work stopped, everything stopped so I could eat some glucose tabs and regain a clear mind. Some of that has spilled over into other ways of taking care of my health that aren't as urgent. I became a morning exerciser (at least most days), and shifted my schedule at work back a little to accommodate that. I would always eat breakfast, even if it meant being a little late on occasion (I also stayed late on occasion). I jealously guarded getting a good night's sleep. I didn't skip meals, even though I could once I went on a more flexible insulin regimen and now the pump.
Another reason for this shift is seeing that working harder than the next guy or gal, and being loyal to your company does not often yield loyalty in return. I've seen it over and over again, and I know most of you have too...folks who gave up their health, time with their kids, sleep, etc., only to get laid off. Seeing a friend work many nights pumping out proposals, not seeing her husband and son, and then being passed over for promotion. Seeing a company wait to terminate the employment of a programmer until he finished the project that requires hours of overtime and late nights (without extra pay since he was salaried). Those things have never happened to me personally, and I've been treated better than most throughout my career, but just seeing it changes you.
So I still believe in having a strong work ethic. If I am getting paid to do a job, I do my best to do it well. But I no longer see it as heroic to sacrifice my health or family in order to get a gold star in the workplace. Gold stars are overrated!
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
It's all good, right?
The last few days have been mostly good.
1. Met with the running group on Saturday morning. The run was cancelled due to lightening. But as I chatted with a woman about how fast gels hit your system, I mentioned that I wore an insulin pump. She said one of the marathon coaches is also a pumper! He wasn't there, but I just can't get over how cool that is. What are the odds, since I've only met a couple of other people (other than here in blogland). I will plan on meeting him and picking his brain later.
2. Appointment with the endoc went well today. A1C was 6.3, and HDL (the good kind) was still over 100. Everything else OK. Also, he went skiing the same place I did last year, so it was fun to compare notes on that.
3. I haven't been doing much praying or bible study lately, but yesterday I picked up a bible study on the parables, completed the first chapter, and prayed. I wrote the prayers down, and asked God to show me how to use my talents to serve Him. I don't have a church to call home right now, so that's out. But today, I went to the internet to check out volunteer opps with a local charity I think does good work. All of them left me feeling unmoved, but I clicked on the link anyway, just to see where it would take me. It took me to a listing of local volunteer opps. One of them is with an organization that uses horses as therapy for children. Very cool, as I love animals and have had a lifelong fascination with horses. This charity appears to need help in several areas. I'm going to check it out.
I went with hubby to the local rec center this evening so he could run around the indoor track. I already ran outside this morning and lifted weights, so sat on a bench reading a book. My old Jazzercise instructor approached me, we caught up a bit, and she asked me if I'd like to be a class manager as she has a couple of openings. At first I said "no" since I'm training for a half marathon and go to another gym. But then I realized this might be an answer to that prayer and it might not be all about me! So I told her I'd think about it and wrote down her cell number.
4. On the not so good side, my run this morning sucked. I woke up with BG of 295, and gave myself about 2/3 the normal correction bolus. Headed out to run and felt like crap most of the way. Yes, I know it is not recommended to exercise with BG over 225, but I'm trying to stick to a schedule here! Felt nauseous as I arrived back home and figured I was still too high. But BG was 65. Not too bad really, but it felt yucky.
Geez, my posts are so long they bore me. I either need to learn brevity or post more often :)
1. Met with the running group on Saturday morning. The run was cancelled due to lightening. But as I chatted with a woman about how fast gels hit your system, I mentioned that I wore an insulin pump. She said one of the marathon coaches is also a pumper! He wasn't there, but I just can't get over how cool that is. What are the odds, since I've only met a couple of other people (other than here in blogland). I will plan on meeting him and picking his brain later.
2. Appointment with the endoc went well today. A1C was 6.3, and HDL (the good kind) was still over 100. Everything else OK. Also, he went skiing the same place I did last year, so it was fun to compare notes on that.
3. I haven't been doing much praying or bible study lately, but yesterday I picked up a bible study on the parables, completed the first chapter, and prayed. I wrote the prayers down, and asked God to show me how to use my talents to serve Him. I don't have a church to call home right now, so that's out. But today, I went to the internet to check out volunteer opps with a local charity I think does good work. All of them left me feeling unmoved, but I clicked on the link anyway, just to see where it would take me. It took me to a listing of local volunteer opps. One of them is with an organization that uses horses as therapy for children. Very cool, as I love animals and have had a lifelong fascination with horses. This charity appears to need help in several areas. I'm going to check it out.
I went with hubby to the local rec center this evening so he could run around the indoor track. I already ran outside this morning and lifted weights, so sat on a bench reading a book. My old Jazzercise instructor approached me, we caught up a bit, and she asked me if I'd like to be a class manager as she has a couple of openings. At first I said "no" since I'm training for a half marathon and go to another gym. But then I realized this might be an answer to that prayer and it might not be all about me! So I told her I'd think about it and wrote down her cell number.
4. On the not so good side, my run this morning sucked. I woke up with BG of 295, and gave myself about 2/3 the normal correction bolus. Headed out to run and felt like crap most of the way. Yes, I know it is not recommended to exercise with BG over 225, but I'm trying to stick to a schedule here! Felt nauseous as I arrived back home and figured I was still too high. But BG was 65. Not too bad really, but it felt yucky.
Geez, my posts are so long they bore me. I either need to learn brevity or post more often :)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Co-Pay Roulette
Step right up folks, spin the wheel and win a new co-pay!
Disclaimer: This is purely a game of chance, no logic involved, and the house usually wins.
I am now on hubby's insurance, which is with United Healthcare (Medco for pharmacy). United (Medco) was also my previous insurance carrier, but this is a different plan/employer.
This all started when I went to the local pharmacy yesterday to pick up refills on my test strips and birth control pills. The test strips rang up with ZERO co-pay, which is a new but welcome phenomenon. The BC pills (same ones I have been taking for years), could not be filled because they needed "pre-authorization" from the doctor. Huh???? I wonder if the ins co would rather pay for a complex pregnancy for a Type 1 over 40 than BC pills.
So I decided to take the bull by the horns and call Medco. I'm convinced the first person I talked to was not really a person, but a trained parrot. When I asked why the BC pills required pre-authorization since the purpose was obvious, she just kept giving me the number for the doctor to call. Apparently they can answer who, what, when and where, but not why.
I then went through their automated system to get co-pays on Novolog, Cozmo Cartridges and Quick-Sets. The co-pay on Novolog was about $25 for 30 day supply locally -- OK, not too bad. And the co-pay on Cozmo Cartridges was ZERO for mail order from Medco -- GREAT, but really?? since I had been paying $125 before to for the same thing to Medco?
I couldn't get the automated system to recognize the Quick-Sets, so called back in for a live person. She confirmed that the Cartridges really are free, but that Medco no longer carries Quick-Sets and I will need to get those from my local pharmacy. Co-pay will be 30% of cost with a minimum of $20 and a max of $75. I didn't think local pharmacies carried infusion sets, and told the insurance rep that. She said that Wal-Mart, Walgreens, CVS, etc. do carry them. I thought "maybe something has changed since I tried that years ago", and called 3 local pharmacies. They don't carry them.
So I have left a message with the mail order diabetes supply house that I used previously (that is before Medco told me I had to order from Medco several years ago).
It's hard for me to trust a parrot, so a question for the OC....any of you getting Minimed Quicksets from Medco? I find it hard to believe they don't carry them anymore.
I wonder what the next spin of the wheel is going to yield. Oh well, so far I'm doing better than I did with the slot machines in Las Vegas.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Have I Lost My Ever Lovin' Mind?
Well, I did it. Or I should say "we" did it. Hubby and I signed up for a half marathon training program tonight. I'm a 5K veteran, that is if a handfull of not-so-speedy 5K's makes one a veteran. But a half marathon is a whole 'nother animal. As in four times as long as a 5K. But it is a six month training program that starts from about where I am now, so that makes me feel that it is possible.
Tonight was orientation, and I had a chance to talk to the coaches. I talked to them about testing and my hope that I would not hold the group back when I stoped to test. I'm OK with NOT testing for the 3 and 4 milers that I do now, but with the mileage ramp-up, I'm not sure how the old bod will react. Should be interesting.
I'm VERY happy that hubby also signed up. At orientation he ran into (well not literally...there was no running, just talk) a friend he used to work with. They will be in the same training group. He was on the fence about signing up, so this was really nice. The CEO/Owner of the company I resigned from a month ago is also planning to participate, so I look forward to catching up with him without the pressures of work intervening. We ran together once, and seemed pretty well matched. But I have the feeling he may be faster than me. I guess we'll see.
As far as a name for my new pump, I'm still undecided. My first pump was named Wilbur...partly for Charlotte's web, and partly for a wonderful cat that graced our lives for many years. I'm seriously considering Chrissy, in honor of one my favorite dogs who is no longer with us. She was so sweet and affectionate, but also moody, so I'm a little hesitant to name a pump after a moody dog. But Chrissy just has a nice ring to it, and despite her moods, she loved us in her doggy way.
I've really been enjoying my sabbatical, and catching up on yard work. I am really enjoying using my body as opposed to my brain. Know that sounds silly, but after 20 years in accounting/finance/mgmt, maybe it's understandable. After doing yard work, I can see a difference. After many meetings I often could not.
That's about it. I thought I would blog more after my "retirement", but I've pretty much avoided anything requiring thought lately. Maybe after I get the yard in shape..... I still enjoy reading yours though, so if you're so inclined, keep up the good work fellow bloggers :)
Tonight was orientation, and I had a chance to talk to the coaches. I talked to them about testing and my hope that I would not hold the group back when I stoped to test. I'm OK with NOT testing for the 3 and 4 milers that I do now, but with the mileage ramp-up, I'm not sure how the old bod will react. Should be interesting.
I'm VERY happy that hubby also signed up. At orientation he ran into (well not literally...there was no running, just talk) a friend he used to work with. They will be in the same training group. He was on the fence about signing up, so this was really nice. The CEO/Owner of the company I resigned from a month ago is also planning to participate, so I look forward to catching up with him without the pressures of work intervening. We ran together once, and seemed pretty well matched. But I have the feeling he may be faster than me. I guess we'll see.
As far as a name for my new pump, I'm still undecided. My first pump was named Wilbur...partly for Charlotte's web, and partly for a wonderful cat that graced our lives for many years. I'm seriously considering Chrissy, in honor of one my favorite dogs who is no longer with us. She was so sweet and affectionate, but also moody, so I'm a little hesitant to name a pump after a moody dog. But Chrissy just has a nice ring to it, and despite her moods, she loved us in her doggy way.
I've really been enjoying my sabbatical, and catching up on yard work. I am really enjoying using my body as opposed to my brain. Know that sounds silly, but after 20 years in accounting/finance/mgmt, maybe it's understandable. After doing yard work, I can see a difference. After many meetings I often could not.
That's about it. I thought I would blog more after my "retirement", but I've pretty much avoided anything requiring thought lately. Maybe after I get the yard in shape..... I still enjoy reading yours though, so if you're so inclined, keep up the good work fellow bloggers :)
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Pumpie is Dead
OK, I'll admit it, I never named the new pump that I started on last week. Maybe that is the problem. Or maybe it's that I put it in my sweaty jog bra for my run this morning. Or that I loaded it up myself without waiting for my official training since it is the same brand as the pump I have worn for the last 4 years. This poor pump has been disrespected from the get-go. So I am posthumously calling it "Pumpie". It's sort of like how you call a new dog "Puppy" until you figure out it's real name.
I have cancelled my plans to go to Dallas today and am waiting for a call from my doctor's office. I have an old "Plan B" for occasions like this involving NPH (which I don't have on hand), but until now have never had to use it, so thought I'd check in. New pump will arrive tomorrow.
So I have two questions for the learned OC. (1) What is your "Plan B" insulin regimen for short-term pump failures? and (2) Got any suggestions on what to name the new pump that arrives tomorrow? I want to get it off to a good start by showing it the proper respect.
I have cancelled my plans to go to Dallas today and am waiting for a call from my doctor's office. I have an old "Plan B" for occasions like this involving NPH (which I don't have on hand), but until now have never had to use it, so thought I'd check in. New pump will arrive tomorrow.
So I have two questions for the learned OC. (1) What is your "Plan B" insulin regimen for short-term pump failures? and (2) Got any suggestions on what to name the new pump that arrives tomorrow? I want to get it off to a good start by showing it the proper respect.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Educational Opportunity
Outside my office (which I will soon be vacating), sits some of the company's IT staff. Among them is a young fellow, Daniel. He's very sharp, graduated from MIT and deep down, is a nice kid. But he is also an impetuous hothead who talks and cusses incessantly. Let's just say he has provided hours of entertainment. So I heard him spouting off yesterday about how the coke and candy he was eating had so much sugar he would probably get diabetes. He continues to run on about how sugar is what causes diabetes, and how he is probably doomed to get it.
Finally, I step into the fray, and asked him if he was sure about sugar consumption causing diabetes. "Absolutely" he replies, "everybody knows that". So I bait the hook a little more with "Daniel, are you 100% sure?". His reply, "oh yes". I give him one more chance "No doubt in your mind?". He says: "Nope, none."
By this time about five of his co-workers are looking on, several of whom know that I wear a pump and have diabetes. They are smiling and looking on, knowing what is coming. So I tell Daniel that I happen to know that what he is saying is not true, point to my pump and ask him if he knows what it is? He says confidently "It's a cell phone". I say "wrong again, it's an insulin pump, and I have diabetes". His expression was priceless, and he started trying to backpedal, but dug a deeper hole. Finally, he says..."I'm an asshole". I reply with, "yes, I know, but we love you anyway" and proceded with my elevator speech about diabetes.
Finally, I step into the fray, and asked him if he was sure about sugar consumption causing diabetes. "Absolutely" he replies, "everybody knows that". So I bait the hook a little more with "Daniel, are you 100% sure?". His reply, "oh yes". I give him one more chance "No doubt in your mind?". He says: "Nope, none."
By this time about five of his co-workers are looking on, several of whom know that I wear a pump and have diabetes. They are smiling and looking on, knowing what is coming. So I tell Daniel that I happen to know that what he is saying is not true, point to my pump and ask him if he knows what it is? He says confidently "It's a cell phone". I say "wrong again, it's an insulin pump, and I have diabetes". His expression was priceless, and he started trying to backpedal, but dug a deeper hole. Finally, he says..."I'm an asshole". I reply with, "yes, I know, but we love you anyway" and proceded with my elevator speech about diabetes.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
The Great Unknown
Tomorrow is the day. I'm tendering my resignation, giving a month's notice. I've been struggling with this decision for over a year. I have prayed and asked for God's wisdom, talked it through with hubby, and asked for input from friends and other wise counselors. It is unanimous.
From the outside it may look crazy. In many people's eyes, I have the perfect job. Nice salary, good benefits, short commute, flexible hours, spot on the executive team, the trust of the CEO/owner, almost eight years of tenure and the vacation that goes with that. It is very convenient, safe, and familiar. But what the job itself has evolved into, I dread most days. Money, convenience and my need for security are the only things still keeping me there. I am truly blessed to have the option to give this up, and I know that for many, there is not an option like that. It hasn't always been for me either.
I have had a mounting sense that I no longer was supposed to be there that gets so strong it literally leaves me speechless. I know that God has something better than money and convenience ahead. I'm a planner at heart, but I don't know the details of the plan this time. That's hard, but I'm going to open myself up to letting it not be my plan this time.
From the outside it may look crazy. In many people's eyes, I have the perfect job. Nice salary, good benefits, short commute, flexible hours, spot on the executive team, the trust of the CEO/owner, almost eight years of tenure and the vacation that goes with that. It is very convenient, safe, and familiar. But what the job itself has evolved into, I dread most days. Money, convenience and my need for security are the only things still keeping me there. I am truly blessed to have the option to give this up, and I know that for many, there is not an option like that. It hasn't always been for me either.
I have had a mounting sense that I no longer was supposed to be there that gets so strong it literally leaves me speechless. I know that God has something better than money and convenience ahead. I'm a planner at heart, but I don't know the details of the plan this time. That's hard, but I'm going to open myself up to letting it not be my plan this time.
The Differences
I went to a ladies retreat with a friend and her mother-in-law (I'll call her MIL) on Friday/Saturday. We roomed together, and had a wonderful time. MIL is a delightful lady who has Type 2. I have Type 1. Spending some time with her really brought it home how these are such different diseases. Each has it's own unique challenges, but it's hard to fathom how they can be discussed in the same breath. Sort of like if I mentioned that I went to a game at the American Airlines center (our local indoor professional sports venue). I'd have to tell you what kind of game it was -- hockey or basketball -- Stars or Mavericks -- in order for us to have a meaningful conversation about it. That is, if any conversation about either sport is meaningful. OK, so that's a whole 'nother suject (hope my hubby doesn't read this)!
MIL recently started on Byetta, but decided not to bring it to the retreat with her since it has to be refrigerated. I wore my insulin pump and brought an extra vial of insulin and 2 set changes with all the accessories, an extra vial of test strips, and extra batteries for the pump just in case (for a one night stay). MIL gets her Byetta from a mail order pharmacy, I get my insulin from a local pharmacy because I don't want to take the chance on a screw up via mail order, or on not being able to get a quick refill if I drop a bottle. I asked MIL how often she tests. She said she hasn't been lately, but needs to get back to checking it in the mornings. I tested six times on Saturday to make sure I stayed in range to feel as good as possible so I could enjoy the retreat. We talked about food, and she works to spread her carbs out over the day. I do to a certain extent, but feel more free in varying the carb count since I know I can compensate w/ insulin. She seems to feel some guilt about her diagnosis. I don't.
Of course, we are two individuals, and there would likely be differences between us even if our conditions were switched. We each have our own unique struggles, but these are two drastically different diseases that should never be discussed as one. That, among other things, was very clear this weekend.
MIL recently started on Byetta, but decided not to bring it to the retreat with her since it has to be refrigerated. I wore my insulin pump and brought an extra vial of insulin and 2 set changes with all the accessories, an extra vial of test strips, and extra batteries for the pump just in case (for a one night stay). MIL gets her Byetta from a mail order pharmacy, I get my insulin from a local pharmacy because I don't want to take the chance on a screw up via mail order, or on not being able to get a quick refill if I drop a bottle. I asked MIL how often she tests. She said she hasn't been lately, but needs to get back to checking it in the mornings. I tested six times on Saturday to make sure I stayed in range to feel as good as possible so I could enjoy the retreat. We talked about food, and she works to spread her carbs out over the day. I do to a certain extent, but feel more free in varying the carb count since I know I can compensate w/ insulin. She seems to feel some guilt about her diagnosis. I don't.
Of course, we are two individuals, and there would likely be differences between us even if our conditions were switched. We each have our own unique struggles, but these are two drastically different diseases that should never be discussed as one. That, among other things, was very clear this weekend.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Giving In
Today, was our quarterly planning session for work. The weather was springlike, and I had been staring out the conference room winow from 38 floors up much of the afternoon thinking of what it would be like to be outside, rather than discussing new products and team dysfunctions.
When we finished up at about 4 pm, I felt truly blessed by the opportunity to dash home and head out for a run in the park. Sort of like I was getting away with something naughty but fun even though none of us were heading back to the office. BG had been running high all day, and before I left for home it registered 228. Not great, but a good run should bring it down. So I cut my basal in half and drove home.
Changed clothes, leashed dog #4 (Katie, my running buddy), and headed out. Walked a little to warm up and then we started to run. Felt absolutely devoid of energy from the get-go, but figured I just needed to get the kinks worked out, get into the groove, or maybe find just the right song on my ipod. A half mile later, felt even less energetic. Thought "no way could I be low coming off that 228 and a reduced basal". Then I noticed that I was getting dizzy and felt detached from my body. The meter was at home, so I ate four glucose tabs and made a turn that would take me home. Katie was acting awful and trying to veer into the yards along the way...definitely NOT helping.
I got home in some state that felt like floating and lumbering all at the same time, and registered at 56 on the Flash meter. Not that bad, but that was after 16 grams of glucose about 10 minutes before. Made half a peanut butter and banana sandwich and sat down, just in time for hubby to arrive home. He asked if I was low, and I said yes. I don't know why, but peanut butter is a favorite low chaser for me, and he knows this.
Instead of treating the low and then getting on with life, I gave in to it this time. Told hubby that I wanted to skip the gym tonight, to which he was totally agreeable. I felt terrible, still devoid of any energy or drive to accomplish anything. It is such a desparate and out of control feeling. When my BG is coming back up, I have a tendency to get cold, so I covered up and invited Katie to lay down with me. We napped for about 20 minutes, and then got up to make a dinner of frozen thin crust pizza and watch American Idol.
Giving in to a low like that, skipping a workout night, and not marching on feels like a defeat in some ways. But on some level it also feels like a victory in allowing myself to be vulnerable and human. This disease is a teacher in forgiving myself and others, and for that I am grateful. But it is also a b-i-t-c-h!
When we finished up at about 4 pm, I felt truly blessed by the opportunity to dash home and head out for a run in the park. Sort of like I was getting away with something naughty but fun even though none of us were heading back to the office. BG had been running high all day, and before I left for home it registered 228. Not great, but a good run should bring it down. So I cut my basal in half and drove home.
Changed clothes, leashed dog #4 (Katie, my running buddy), and headed out. Walked a little to warm up and then we started to run. Felt absolutely devoid of energy from the get-go, but figured I just needed to get the kinks worked out, get into the groove, or maybe find just the right song on my ipod. A half mile later, felt even less energetic. Thought "no way could I be low coming off that 228 and a reduced basal". Then I noticed that I was getting dizzy and felt detached from my body. The meter was at home, so I ate four glucose tabs and made a turn that would take me home. Katie was acting awful and trying to veer into the yards along the way...definitely NOT helping.
I got home in some state that felt like floating and lumbering all at the same time, and registered at 56 on the Flash meter. Not that bad, but that was after 16 grams of glucose about 10 minutes before. Made half a peanut butter and banana sandwich and sat down, just in time for hubby to arrive home. He asked if I was low, and I said yes. I don't know why, but peanut butter is a favorite low chaser for me, and he knows this.
Instead of treating the low and then getting on with life, I gave in to it this time. Told hubby that I wanted to skip the gym tonight, to which he was totally agreeable. I felt terrible, still devoid of any energy or drive to accomplish anything. It is such a desparate and out of control feeling. When my BG is coming back up, I have a tendency to get cold, so I covered up and invited Katie to lay down with me. We napped for about 20 minutes, and then got up to make a dinner of frozen thin crust pizza and watch American Idol.
Giving in to a low like that, skipping a workout night, and not marching on feels like a defeat in some ways. But on some level it also feels like a victory in allowing myself to be vulnerable and human. This disease is a teacher in forgiving myself and others, and for that I am grateful. But it is also a b-i-t-c-h!
Saturday, February 17, 2007
New Endoc Visit
After going to the same endoc for over 10 years, I went to a new one this week. I got my A1C results in 7 minutes, as opposed to waiting over a month to get them from the previous endoc. Also got my cholesterol results right there. A1C was 6.5. down a smidge from 6.6 last time. At least I'm consistent. Total cholesterol 170, and HDL (the good kind) over 100. I guess the exercise is working since my HDL was in the 70's last time. Newbie doc seemed knowledgable, but not pushy or arrogant.
Noone wanted to download my meter. I offered it to the nurse, but she declined. The doc asked about my sick day mgmt plan, which is a good thing to review every so often. Since I knew about basal testing, insulin to carb ratios and correction factors, he commented that I had already been well trained, and didn't really offer any suggestions. We did talk a little about how I handle exercise, but no new suggestions. We talked about options for replacing my pump and I got current #'s for the local pump reps. We talked about the pros and cons of CGM. He is close to home and work, affiliated with my local hospital of choice, and knows my other doctors. He checks cholesterol at every visit. And he will not insist on seeing me every quarter, and said every 6 mos is OK. Ran some other lab work with results to come later.
Overall, I think it went well and am comfy making this change, but I still left feeling just a little let down. This is such a self-managed disease, and most of me is really glad for that since I'm pretty independent by nature. But there is another small part that would like to feel that someone knows some tricks that I don't. Or that someone wants to look with me at the downloads from my meter and help me to differentiate the forrest from the trees. The only person who has ever done that with me was my dietitian/cde, who is now working for Abbott. I think I miss that a little bit.
Noone wanted to download my meter. I offered it to the nurse, but she declined. The doc asked about my sick day mgmt plan, which is a good thing to review every so often. Since I knew about basal testing, insulin to carb ratios and correction factors, he commented that I had already been well trained, and didn't really offer any suggestions. We did talk a little about how I handle exercise, but no new suggestions. We talked about options for replacing my pump and I got current #'s for the local pump reps. We talked about the pros and cons of CGM. He is close to home and work, affiliated with my local hospital of choice, and knows my other doctors. He checks cholesterol at every visit. And he will not insist on seeing me every quarter, and said every 6 mos is OK. Ran some other lab work with results to come later.
Overall, I think it went well and am comfy making this change, but I still left feeling just a little let down. This is such a self-managed disease, and most of me is really glad for that since I'm pretty independent by nature. But there is another small part that would like to feel that someone knows some tricks that I don't. Or that someone wants to look with me at the downloads from my meter and help me to differentiate the forrest from the trees. The only person who has ever done that with me was my dietitian/cde, who is now working for Abbott. I think I miss that a little bit.
Saturday, February 3, 2007
Wellness Program or Intrusion?
On Friday, I and a couple of others from my company met with a sales rep from a national chain of health clubs that is venturing into the wellness and health insurance brokerage arena. They can bring folks in to do blood draws and adminster health risk assessment questionaires to our employees, and then provide each employee with a nice color booklet with their results, explanations, and graphs. They will also provide the company with a composite snapshot of the same, just with no names associated, so we might know what wellness activities to target. For folks who have severly out of range test result(s), they will have a nurse call the employee to recommend a course of action (likely...get thee to a doctor). So far I'm OK with all of that.
From there we started to talk dollars and measurements. We asked...if the company invests in these things, how do we know its doing any good and can it help with our health insurance rates? Mr. Sales Rep suggests offering incentives...those who participate pay a lower percentage of their insurance premiums than those who don't. One of the offerings is a "life coach" who will help employees who are identified through the testing as at risk or with health conditions. The employee will talk to their life coach and get pointers on managing their condition or risk factors.
At this point, my business hat is pushed aside as the hair stands up on the back of my neck. I maintain my cool, but inside am thinking...no way, no how, do I want someone from a call center who probably doesn't know anything about me or the difference between T1 and T2 "coaching" me. I can hear it all now...
I guess this is a selfish view, because I know that there are folks who would be helped, primarily those who have not sought out information about their conditions or risks on their own. But the thought of spending more time on diabetes, especially if it does not help, is enough to make me want to scream.
From there we started to talk dollars and measurements. We asked...if the company invests in these things, how do we know its doing any good and can it help with our health insurance rates? Mr. Sales Rep suggests offering incentives...those who participate pay a lower percentage of their insurance premiums than those who don't. One of the offerings is a "life coach" who will help employees who are identified through the testing as at risk or with health conditions. The employee will talk to their life coach and get pointers on managing their condition or risk factors.
At this point, my business hat is pushed aside as the hair stands up on the back of my neck. I maintain my cool, but inside am thinking...no way, no how, do I want someone from a call center who probably doesn't know anything about me or the difference between T1 and T2 "coaching" me. I can hear it all now...
Me: Hi Coach, I cannot figure out why my overnight basal rates are working some nights and not others. Some morings I wake up at 120, and others at 225. What gives?
Coach: Carol, we would suggest that you take your insulin as presribed and get exercise at least 3 times a week. Oh, and 120 is above the clinical guidelines for fasting glucose, you may want to see your doctor.
Me: I know that, I pump Novolog, run 20 miles a week and lift weights 2 to 3 times. Now could we get back to my basal rates?
Coach: What is a basal rate, and what does inflating your tires have to do with anything?
Me: Slams the phone down, knowing I will be labeled as noncompliant and that I'll pay more for my health insurance because I don't want to participate in the wellnes program.
I guess this is a selfish view, because I know that there are folks who would be helped, primarily those who have not sought out information about their conditions or risks on their own. But the thought of spending more time on diabetes, especially if it does not help, is enough to make me want to scream.
Friday, January 26, 2007
To Ski or Not to Ski
Here I am heading towards a nice bonus at work after a very tumultous career year, and hubby's job now includes flight benefits (which we thought were gone forever....whole 'nother story). So I'm thinking, cool, good year for a ski trip with the girls. Except the "girls" are my friend, her sister, and her sister's friend. And my friend is going on a cruise and then having shoulder surgery that has a long recovery. Screech....there goes the ski trip.
Or does it? I found a "Ski Camp" just for women in Utah. Looks like a good growth experience seeing as how I'm a low intermediate chicken of a skier with delusions of grandeur AND a strong introvert. I rarely fall because I take very few risks. I only ski about once every 3 years, but dream of it often. This camp is for intermediate to advanced skiers and I will likely be outclassed. It says you will be encouraged to go to the next level. Four days of on-mountain instruction and challenge, demos, opportunities to learn to telemark or snowshoe, yoga in the mornings, tips from pros, welcome cocktails, closing banquet. Sounds overwhelming in a way, but somehow I'm drawn to it (is this like a mosquito heading for the bug zapper?).
So why am I hesitating? It's expensive and I've tried to play the "thrifty spouse" card. But my incredible hubby says go for it. I thought work might be a problem, but I got the days off approved today. Everyone I have asked is encouraging me to go.
So is part of it diabetes? What if....I get up there all by myself and have a severe low? How will my BG's react to 4 days of very different activity? What basal rate will I use? What if I crash and burn and ruin my pump? What if I have a series of lows, have to stop to eat and recover and slow the group down? What if....I get hurt, and noone knows how to take care of me and my diabetes?
All of these are thoughts I would not have had before diabetes. So I have to wonder.... how many of my life choices are being shaped by it? Will I let this be one of them?
Or does it? I found a "Ski Camp" just for women in Utah. Looks like a good growth experience seeing as how I'm a low intermediate chicken of a skier with delusions of grandeur AND a strong introvert. I rarely fall because I take very few risks. I only ski about once every 3 years, but dream of it often. This camp is for intermediate to advanced skiers and I will likely be outclassed. It says you will be encouraged to go to the next level. Four days of on-mountain instruction and challenge, demos, opportunities to learn to telemark or snowshoe, yoga in the mornings, tips from pros, welcome cocktails, closing banquet. Sounds overwhelming in a way, but somehow I'm drawn to it (is this like a mosquito heading for the bug zapper?).
So why am I hesitating? It's expensive and I've tried to play the "thrifty spouse" card. But my incredible hubby says go for it. I thought work might be a problem, but I got the days off approved today. Everyone I have asked is encouraging me to go.
So is part of it diabetes? What if....I get up there all by myself and have a severe low? How will my BG's react to 4 days of very different activity? What basal rate will I use? What if I crash and burn and ruin my pump? What if I have a series of lows, have to stop to eat and recover and slow the group down? What if....I get hurt, and noone knows how to take care of me and my diabetes?
All of these are thoughts I would not have had before diabetes. So I have to wonder.... how many of my life choices are being shaped by it? Will I let this be one of them?
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
New Endoc and Other DB Thoughts
Realized that a few diabetes related thoughts have been rolling around in my head lately, and it might do some good to write them out in view of the OC, because I know you understand.
New Endoc
First, I have an appointment scheduled with an new endoc in Feb that is starting to wig me out a bit. I put a lot of thought into considering a change. My current endoc (of 11 + years) is not giving me much input, the dietitian/educator I really liked has moved to an industry position, it takes forever to get my A1C results, current doc is affiliated with a hospital that I will likely never go to (too far), the office is not keeping up with technology...I have to show them how to download my meter readings at times, and the office staff is consistently rude. The new doctor is only 10 minutes away, affiliated with my hospital of choice, and comes well recommended. What I'm wigged out about, deep down, is that he might actually want me to....gasp....change something! Hmmm, that's part of the reason I'm going is that I SAID I wanted more input than I'm getting from my current team. Now the thought of more input, or specificially more expectations for me, is somehow offputting. He might want me to keep logs like Scott does (great job by the way....your records and consistency in keeping them over time are superb).
The Common Cold vs. Diabetes
I've been fighting a cold, and started thinking about the smiliarities between colds and diabetes. They both strike otherwise "healthy" people without warning, affect young and old, and we cannot prevent them even when we take precautions. So why is it that people jump to such conclusions about how we got diabetes but now about how we contracted the common cold? You know what I mean...."Oh, so you ate to much sugar", or "I guess you didn't exercise enough", etc. I guess it's the fact that most everyone has personally experienced a cold, but not personally experienced diabetes.
Perhaps these thoughs are the result of the cold and accompanying fight to keep my BG's in line. Just tested, 339, yuck! Correction boluses are my specialty of late.
New Endoc
First, I have an appointment scheduled with an new endoc in Feb that is starting to wig me out a bit. I put a lot of thought into considering a change. My current endoc (of 11 + years) is not giving me much input, the dietitian/educator I really liked has moved to an industry position, it takes forever to get my A1C results, current doc is affiliated with a hospital that I will likely never go to (too far), the office is not keeping up with technology...I have to show them how to download my meter readings at times, and the office staff is consistently rude. The new doctor is only 10 minutes away, affiliated with my hospital of choice, and comes well recommended. What I'm wigged out about, deep down, is that he might actually want me to....gasp....change something! Hmmm, that's part of the reason I'm going is that I SAID I wanted more input than I'm getting from my current team. Now the thought of more input, or specificially more expectations for me, is somehow offputting. He might want me to keep logs like Scott does (great job by the way....your records and consistency in keeping them over time are superb).
The Common Cold vs. Diabetes
I've been fighting a cold, and started thinking about the smiliarities between colds and diabetes. They both strike otherwise "healthy" people without warning, affect young and old, and we cannot prevent them even when we take precautions. So why is it that people jump to such conclusions about how we got diabetes but now about how we contracted the common cold? You know what I mean...."Oh, so you ate to much sugar", or "I guess you didn't exercise enough", etc. I guess it's the fact that most everyone has personally experienced a cold, but not personally experienced diabetes.
Perhaps these thoughs are the result of the cold and accompanying fight to keep my BG's in line. Just tested, 339, yuck! Correction boluses are my specialty of late.
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